A spokesman for Palestinian militant group Hamas issued a statement yesterday claiming the current military confrontation with Israel was the result of an "unfortunate misunderstanding", and said that the recent rocket attacks on Israel were just an accident.
Hamid Khalidyah said that two rockets that landed in an Israeli family's living room were mistakenly fired by children who were sneaking cigarettes behind their school. "Stray sparks landed on the fuses of some rockets that were nearby, and the damned things went off, landing in Israel. The children have been disciplined, and have promised never to do it again. Anyone with children will understand when I say that these things happen."
Another series of rockets that landed in a crowded marketplace just days earlier was caused, Khalidyah said, by an unusual weather phenomenon called ball lightning, which rolled over and ignited the fuses of several rockets nearby, which then went off and landed in Israel. "It was an accident, totally." said Khalidyah. "We have no control over the weather, unlike the big bully nations like Israel and it's war-mongering protector, America."
Last month's multi-rocket attack on the southern Israeli town of Beer Dupa was also accidental, says Khalidyah. "It was a backyard barbecue, someone threw a little too much lighter fluid on the coals, and some sparks flew off and lit the fuses of 17 rockets that were nearby which then went off and landed in Israel. It wasn't like it was done on purpose, these things just happen sometimes, nobody's perfect."
Accidental rocket launchings from Gaza have become more commonplace in recent months, but Israel isn't buying the explanations. "Either they're doing it on purpose, or the Gazans are the most accident-prone people on the planet." says IDF colonel Mordecai Levi.
Khalidyah is quick to agree. "Absolutely!" he says. "No doubt about it, our people are a bit clumsy. But that's to be expected when they are being oppressed on a daily basis by infidels who have declared war on the peace-loving peoples of Islam."
As he spoke, several rockets flew overhead towards Israel's southern border. Khalidyah looked up, and said "Goddamned kids!".