Paris - (Shaggy Dog Mess): Former French President Jacques Chirac's lapdog 'Sarko' has died of toxic poisoning after biting his master.
The feisty little mutt had been on prescription quaaludes for the last six months after developing spontaneous projectile vomiting syndrome in response to his master's petting.
Last weekend it bit the ex-statesman in the crotch and promptly began foaming at the mouth before rolling over dead from convulsions.
A post mortem indicated death from toxic shock poisoning.
Chirac, 89, meanwhile has had his defunct old pecker stitched up after anti-rabies and tetanus jabs straight into his derriere.
Bernadette Chirac, his long-suffering spouse, told reporters today her husband had been planning on killing the pooch and spit-roasting it over smouldering coals 'just like their previous doggie 'Bardot'.
"Eez bonkers, my has-band," Mme C confided today.
