The world's biggest coward, Arthur Feartie, has invented a new martial art. The new form of self defence, called No Kan Do, is claimed to be superior to older, established eastern methods such as karate, judo and kung fu and western methods such as boxing.
"It's a very simple martial art," explained Feartie at his nodojo (practice hall), "but it is very much a method of self defence and cannot be used aggressively."
Feartie also claimed that he had challenged established martial arts masters and that they had not been able to land blow on him.
"He ran away," said Kwai Chang Lee, Black Belt, 4th Dan, in karate, who can split an atom with a single blow. "It's no wonder I didn't land a blow on him, he scarpered."
"That is the beauty of my method," said an unapologetic Feartie, "It does not require strength, agility or years of training. When challenged to a fight one merely says 'No Kan Do' and runs away. I am undefeated in fifteen, cross-discipline bouts. You no longer need to be bullied, just learn No Kan Do."
