Chinese made adult toys are being recalled en mass. All adult toys, from dildos to ben wa balls, to artificial masturbatory aides with 'real feel' orifices and projectiles have been recalled by Whang Bhang Inc. the biggest Chinese exporter of these items.
The largest American importer, Toys R Ours, with, among other distributors are acting quickly to get the products off the shelves.
Defects in quality control have produced injury with their subsequent use.
Lead paint and other harmful additives, utilized in creating the life like looking pseudo penises, vaginas, and anuses, has caused illness in the users.
Toys R Ours spokesperson, Lillian Labian, confirmed the alarming recall and tried to quell any panic. "The products recalled have lead paint issues, and some of the material utilized in the latex manufacture has been shown to have extreme side effects. Inserting an item can cause severe reactionary response. Rashes, burns, very itchy irritations on one's vagina or anus from 'Mr. Moto', 'Handy Man,' 'Captain Niner', our most popular dildoes, as well as others in that line, have been reported. There have been reports that all Ben Wa balls and Anal beads, including the most popular 'Stuff enuff', have actually expanded inside the user, causing the user to seek medical attention for their removal. Toys R Ours will refund in full any item that we distribute, if you can get it out, send it in."
Not so easy for Vernon Maxwell of San Francisco. "All I did was sit down," he said, "when suddenly I got this extreme burning sensation and then it started to expand. When we finally removed it, it was almost a liter sized fire hydrant, I satisfied, but exhausted."
This recall is extremely embarrassing to the Chinese exporting industry. With the recent other recalls in their products public confidence in all Chinese made goods is quickly disappearing. This can have repercussions financially in the millions.
When a call was placed to the management of Whang Bhang Inc for comment it was learned that all the executives had been taken out into the parking lot and summarily shot.
There were no golden parachutes.
In related news, Vice President elect Joe Biden said,"See? I was doing research," as he scratched his crotch feverishly.
