Written by Natowsky

Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for Sex Scandal Nails Possible U.S. VP Candidate, John Edwards, After Lying About Bedding Beautiful Blond Hottie Assistant
Edwards said, "A mere glass of wine turned Ms. Hunter into an insatiable slut, what every American guy wants in the sack

In a country beset with a rotten economy, dying for lack of oil and gasoline (petrol), massive unemployment, engaged in a non-ending Iraq War, and experiencing the most interesting, but unusual and controversial Presidential race this year, does it need another scandal? Isn't it bad enough that the 'race card' has surfaced once again in Obama vs McCain, the last time, a major issue in the O.J. Simpson felony trial in 1995? Now, another bombshell has exploded. The U.S. has become a nation of Everthing is Possible and it is 'Renewed' every week, giving the comedians plenty of fertile ground, so much so, that the jokes become self generating!

But one thing semi-typical of the U.S. and that is a married man's search for 'something on the side' (European men and those of other countries, however, feel a mistress is de rigueur) and this time it caught John Edwards, one-time Senator from North Carolina and VP candidate under John Kerry in 2004.

Whaaaa happened Johnny Boy??? Well, from sometimes-correct(really???)investigative work by the the U.S. Bible of the Tabloids, the 'National Enquirer,' often referred to as a demeaning lying rag, the colorful weekly U.S. magazine has again truly struck gold.

Back in July 2007,the Enquirer reported that Edwards, a self-made multimillionaire lawyer from representing the injured, maimed, and killed by corporate America et al, had been thinking below the belt in 2006. He was secretely shacking up with less-than-brilliant video creator for his campaign ads, the then 40-year old Rielle Hunter, a very weakly-aspiring hottie actress, writer, and camera jock with no experience in front of or behind the camera. But, give her credit for guts and her mouthwatering credentials.

Secret trysts were discovered by the Enquirer by following the ex Senator, Edwards, a possible long shot VP candidate for the Dems this year. He denied it, absolutely. The cat finally chewed through the bag, however, and on August 8 2008, the embarrassed ex Senator admitted he had been lying and just succumed to what every red-blooded American guy's weakness is: available and delicious free sex from a centerfold stimulant shoved in one's face. That kind of event is estimated as 1 in 350 million, as American women continue to protect who goes in and out of Heaven's Gate until the day they die. And, men never stop trying to get into Heaven, a ubiquitous Achilles Heel. At the time, Edwards was a 53-year old, still pretty-boy guy with a wife four years his elder and who was recovering from cancer.

So, in 2006, Edwards starting rolling in the sack with his publicity/videographer person, Rielle, an inexperienced, but luscious 40-year old blond. A glass of wine and boys will be boys with their hottie toys! And she was hot to trot!

Finally, Edwards could no longer conceal it from the public and on Augus 8 what was suspected was admitted by the ex Senator as truth. During his remorseful admission he truly unloased by saying "The sex was great and inspiring, giving me the confidence to push as hard as I could for the Presidential nod. My daddy once said, when I was a mere tyke of just nine, "Son, if ya want somethin' that bad, ya just gotta keep a bangin' away at it, whatever it is."

And, as Ms. Hunter, herself, said in an interview thay may score her some points, "You can learn a lot from John." In fact, he showed me the right way to do it doggie style and we even used the 'Kama Sutra' a lot to join his thingy and mine. He's quite the stud."

It's also speculated that he has a love child with Rielle, but he denies it and she refuses to provide a DNA sample. Funny thing...the child keeps pulling law books off a bookshelf in Ms. Hunter's condo. Does the apple fall close to the tree or what? And according to the blond bomber, Edwards, in periods morose and remorseful, would ask her to put on the Diana Ross and the Supremes, "Love Child" and would then break down in tears, while caressing her bulging belly. You can't say the guy's not a true romantic.

And, as Ms. Hunter went on, "Maybe when this blows over, wifey will be gone and I'll grab Johnny Boy by the scrotes. He just loves that as our kickoff. We made some videos that I watch every night; they really get me off. The explosions are nucular, if you get my drift. I love reliving Johnny Boy's givin'! Oh, do you need me to define nucular?" Washington Under The Sheets passed on the question, did its wrap, and went on its way!

Reported by Sonny Bonno Mineo
© Washington Under The Sheets-a Huffington Publication

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Sex, John Edwards

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