Ireland is a nation that stands proudly with the rest of Europe when it comes to highly skilled, well educated workers. Its youths, while too young to work, prove they will be upstanding citizens by competing strongly against England and Scotland for the coveted annual "Highest teen pregnancy award", "Highest underage drinking award" and the "Highest drug use amongst teens award". These events are participated with dedication and commitment from thousands of excited teens hoping to make their country proud.
Despite this, the Irish government is still dogged by incessant questions about leprechauns, pots of gold and lucky charms. After a recent spike in leprechaun related correspondence (believed to be related to a recent episode of a South Park), a task force was set up to put these questions to bed once and for all. After a year of intensive searching, the results were presented to an intrigued press conference held by Pat Ato, head of the Irish Fakery investigation Bureau (I-FIB).
Over 12 months he chased over 500 rainbows, and only reached the end of one of them. On that occasion he met a man in a green suit, purporting to be a leprechaun of the name Lucius Charmers, or "Lucky" to his friends. And with a stunned audience in the palm of his hand, he announced that he convinced Mr. Charmers to appear at the press conference to briefly answer questions.
First impressions were mixed. Mr charmers was dressed somewhat differently than the traditional idea of a leprechaun, sporting a Rolex, diamond studded ears, Raybans and a pair of white K-Swiss with his green suit. He also swore frequently using American London gangsta expressions. At 5"2 he was quite larger than expected and his curly red hair clashed somewhat with his intricately shaved beard.
When questioned about the "pot of gold" myth Mr. Charmers admitted that it was true, there WAS a pot of gold. As the crowd buzzed excitedly and eyes turned towards Mr. Ato, Mr. Ato interjected and said that as a government official, he couldn't accept the gold.
When questioned if he uses magic to make the gold, Mr. Charmers laughed off the idea, claiming the magic idea was just an urban myth. The Charmers family, it appears, is more of a global business conglomerate than a guy in a field. A long deceased relative, Jack Charmers, tired about jokes about his height, decided to try and make money out of it. He paid a friend to claim he saw a leprechaun, dressed in a distinctive green suit at the end of a rainbow. It worked, and since then, the copyrighted leprechaun idea and image has been used countless times from sporting logos to keyrings, making the family a huge fortune.
Jack Charmers knew that in order to keep the brand going and, to satisfy his philanthropic streak, someone must be present at the end of a rainbow to meet the lucky finder and present them with a pot of gold. In his will he decreed that each male descendant must, to obtain some of the family fortune, carry out this task. As there are many descendants,a high percentage of Ireland is covered. Mr. Charmers doesn't mind, as he's not stuck behind a desk like the female descendants who run Nakajima Corp, the name given to the "Leprechaun" company. He declined to discuss the workings of the business or the number of descendants that are working as "Leprechauns".
As questions started coming thick and fast, an overwhelmed Mr. Charmers announced received a text on his iphone informing him a possible rainbow may be appearing over his region. And under a flurry of photographers flashes, he sped off in his Audi A8.
So although he isn't a real leprechaun, there is still a pot of gold out there to be had. The leprechaun myth hasn't been completely dispelled, just brought into the 21st century. This reporter is heading off, keeping his eyes skyward, waiting for the next rain shower.
