Ray Mears Is A Fake

Funny story written by Scott Nairns

Monday, 26 May 2008

image for Ray Mears Is A Fake
Baden Powell; "He'd Turn In His Grave"

Friends and Colleagues of British Rambo; Ray Mears, have branded him as a BBC 'ringer', who is scared of spiders.

One scared ex-friend said, "It's not jealousy, when he left school he couldn't even tie his shoelaces. He once went to school in his football boots, so he wouldn't have to change them come the PE lesson. That was in High School. His nickname among the lads was Frank Spencer".

A BBC crew member backed up the story by claiming Mears was always tripping over guy ropes, cutting or burning himself, and was a Health and Safety walking disaster.

She went on, "One funny story while in Africa was we had hired professional guides to take us hunting. They done a great job, and all Ray had to do was a talk-over when we got back to camp. He decided though, that he was going to hunt tigers and dug a 8 foot deep hole outside the camp, threw in some meat and covered it over. We could not believe it next morning when we found something in the hole, it was RAY! He was a notorious sleepwalker".

In a midst of all the people willing to dish the dirt on Mr Mears, the Chief Fire Officer Of Southern England said that Ray was one of the worlds best Pyromaniacs.

"He could start a fire anywhere, in any condition. That's no consolation to the Schools, Nurseries, Hospitals or Old Folks Homes near North Downs where he was brought up though".

Ray Mears was unavailable for comment cause I don't have his phone number.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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