Amstetten - (Sordid Mess): Disgraced Austrian sexual deviant Cardinal Hans Hermann Wilhelm Groër made incest nutter Joseph Fritzl a Papal Knight according to latest police reports.
The news came out after Fritzl was ordered to return his 2008 Royal Ascot tickets for which he had a standing invitation from the late Queen Mother under the name of His Excellency the Vatican Children's Ambassador to the United Nations.
Fritzl, 73, had been made a Knight of the Sacred Constantinian Military Order of St George Herbert Bush by Hitler's Pope Pius XII.
His ecclesiastical sponsor however was defrocked by Pope JP2 Lodge in 1994 following a ten year crack cocaine turf war with his predecessor Cardinal Franz Konig.
The two had been bitter enemies over the cover-up of Austria's Nazi President Kurt Waldheim's controversial sexual hystery and dalliance with members of the British Puppet Monarchy.
As he launguishes in a Viennese jail awaiting further excavations of his underground hellhole Fritzl is said to be flogging his memoirs to a Vatican archive.
"We think they'll give at least a million just to shut him up about the Sacred Constantinian bunker he built for the Mayor under Amstetten's Town Hall," a poilice source added.
Princess Alexandra is one big fibber.