The path to modern love could be via the click of a mouse, according to a new poll.
Nearly three quarters of the people polled by Which? reported some level of success from online dating.
Of the 2000 respondents who did online dating, 8% had got married to someone they had met via the internet. A further 15% had relationships lasting over 6 months and an amazing 50% had met up on at least one occasion to share some beer and indulge in meaningless sex. Of this 50%, only a half felt cheap and used after the experience. We are no mathematicians here at 'The Spoof', but that works out as a quarter of all respondents having quality, no strings attached sex at the click of a button. This may be music to Microsoft's ears but it is bound to have a negative effect on pubs and nightclubs, who have traditionally had a monopoly on the "Bang, Bang,Ching, Ching," market.
Speaking from the 'Askew Arms' in Shepherd's Bush, Matt Higgins, from the London Association of Landlords, told our reporter,
"It is true. The internet has definately had a negative effect on the pub trade. As recently as the mid 90's any young or indeed middle aged person in pursuit of penetrative sex would normally have gone down to the local to see if there were any like minded people around."
He continued,
"However I do believe we provide a service that the home computer cannot. For example, we promote Happy Hours where, it is hoped, punters will get so bladdered, that anyone, no matter how grotesque, will be in with a shout come last orders. I have personally seen a short, fat, balding Algerian, (with no shoes on for fuckssake), take a blonde nymphet up the Camden Lock in that very alley across the road. That is a service the internet will never be able to offer. Sure a monster can claim to be anyone they like in a chat room. But when 'BustyMarilyn69? turns out to have a club foot and Mange, you can always walk in the opposite direction. What we can do is legally alter people's perceptions to such an extent that a hair lip and dandruff become inconsequential. Surely that is something worth hanging onto"
Despite Mr Higgins' rather persuasive argument, Which.co.uk editor Graham Coles still maintains,
"If you're single and want to have some fun on Valentine's Day, then it might be worth giving online dating a go. Impressively, almost three quarters of the people we spoke to have had some level of success with someone they met online. True enough though, if I looked like say, Chief Rabbi Abraham Horowitz [*], I might just take the Happy Hour route "
[*]. A.Horowitz : A spiritual giant and wonderfully gifted orator, but by his own admission, an exceedingly ugly man. A google image search is not recommended.
