SAINT PETERSBURG - Russian natural gas giant Gazprom, which is poised to soon become the world's biggest corporation, has cancelled plans to build a very tall and controversial skyscraper as its headquarters in historic Saint Petersburg.
Instead, the company will construct a very large circular structure meant to conclude the never-completed Anus (pronounced "Ah-noose") of the Sphinx. According to historical experts there is no record that the Sphinx's anus (also called 'the Sphinxter') ever existed. But some texts do hint at the fact that the Sphinx could not simply 'hold it' indefinitely.
"Imagine a 4,500-year-old compacted stool," beseeched Gazprom CEO Alexei Miller. "You cannot comprehend the discomfort. Therefore, we must complete this project as soon as possible."
When asked her opinion on the proposed project, pubic relations guru Kristen Blinne stated that she felt Gazprom (a natural gas provider) and the Anus of the Sphinx were a natural fit for each other.