Is it Check-mate for 'Chessboard Killer', Alexander Pushpinkov?

Written by IN SEINE

Saturday, 15 September 2007

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image for Is it Check-mate for 'Chessboard Killer', Alexander Pushpinkov?
Chess nut Pushpinkov shows off in public

Russian police made a gruesome discovery in Bitsa Park, a forest, Southwest of Moscow; when they uncovered 16 bodies so far. Whoever the killer is, has been nicknamed the 'Beast of Bitsa' - because there are bitsa bodies everywhere!

Commissioner Vladimir Pukin revealed that he wants to identify 8 porn stars who, have recently disappeared in mysterious circumstances. In a strange twist, 2 albino crows have been found in a shallow grave nearby, along with what would appear to be 2 armour-clad knights. Flanking the body of the King of Kazakhstan, were a cross-dresser and two high ranking members of the Orthodox Russian church. Their deaths were so recent that the corpses were white as marble.

Sherlock Holmes, who is approx 143 years-old (Doctor Watson having died some 90 years ago) teamed up with famous Belgian detective, Hercules Parrot to assist police with the background of these mass murders and within the hour they were able to uncover 4 more Porn stars (this time ebony babes), another black crow and an Ethiopian Orthodox churchman. Holmes and Parrot retired for a meeting in 'Yeltzin's' - a gentleman's club in Moscow to discuss their findings. Within hours they gave a press conference.

Holmes acted as spokesman and leaning on his Zimmer, he declared: "Both Parrot and I have clearly deduced that this is the work of the "Chessboard Killer". The evidence is there: 8 white Porns; 2 Rooks; 2 Knights; 2 Bishops; a Queen and a King all in close proximity on one side of the forest. Yet directly opposite, we have revealed several other corpses who are of ethnic persuasion but have the same profession as their counterparts. We believe that there are more bodies out there that can confirm our deductions to be true. If we are right then there should be a total 32 of the poor souls under Bitsa Park."

Holmes strongly warned that this was "in NO way connected to The Cheese board Murderer, Paddy O'Brien, a 32 year-old restaurateur from Dublin who killed 75 victims by hitting them over the head with his 'Smorgasbord O Death' in 1892. This one appears to be the handiwork of a chessnut called Alexander Pushpinkov - who has already confessed the killings to his Czech girlfriend (trying to make it a knight to remember!) Al is currently waiting for the police to make their next move"

Portuguese police are showing some interest in the case.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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