Written by Fergus McCarthy

Sunday, 17 June 2007

image for Bono returns Knighthood, Lords unrepentant.
Sir Bono pictured before being hounded from House of Lords yesterday

Bono has returned the honorary knighthood that was presented to him in Dublin just a few short months ago by the British Ambassador to Ireland in protest at what he called "Narrow minded, archaic, 18th century snobbery and ignorance" after a visit to the house of Lords at Westminister last Thursday.

'Sir' Bono had been invited by the Lord Speaker Baroness Hayman to address the house of Lords on the subject of African debt and arrived clad in a Vivienne Westwood ermine cape complimented by a jewel encrusted crown and scepter leading a pair of Irish wolfhounds.

Laughter erupted throughout the chamber as the diminutive rockstar became entangled in the wolfhounds leads, fell down 4 steps, and wrestled with a randy hound who was attempting to mate with his oversized cloak.

In an attempt to regain some semblance of dignity Bono began his speech only to be shouted down with jeers and catcalls such as
"Thats a bloody hairy horse you have there Bonio" and "Go back to the colonies you singing leprechaun"

The U2 front man finally fled the chamber when one of his hounds relieved himself on the podium and then lay down and started licking his own testicles.

Cries of "Hey! Shortarse! Dont forget your donkeys" followed him down the corridor.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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