Kamchatka Peninsula, Russian Federation - (Ass Mess): A huge landslide has been reported as having destroyed a top-notch Russian geezer's valet.
The Russian, believed to be football-mad Roman Abdamovich, had boasted to his friends at the marvel of having such a fantastic personal servant who in his opinions was "one of the great natural wonders of the world".
The sudden and unexpected landslide dumped millions of cubic metres of mud and rocks on Abramovich's valet when he was out watering his master's petunias this morning.
The Abramovich garden is a noted tourist attraction in the volcanic far eastern Kamchatka peninsula.
The valet died instantly.
Russian President Vladimir Putin's representative in the region, Kamil Iskhakov, said today: "I didn't think things could turn so tragic.
"The scale of the destruction is simply terrible."