Juba, Sudan - (Ass Mess): Charles Tombe, a Juba man who likes a wee little drop of the hard stuff from time to time, is heartbroken after his pet goat wife Rose died of unnatural causes this week leaving him widowed and holding her little six month old kid.
Tombe had undergone an arranged marriage according to local customs after village elders said he took advantage of a foxy little goat last year while paralytic and unable to satisfy his urges with any of the local whores who were all on sex strike because of the drought in southern Sudan.
When he was caught in flagrente delicto his neighbors insisted the village council mete out a suitable fine for his disrespectful behavior which was deemed likely to corrupt minors - both human and of the goat genus.
The hastily arranged marriage was solemnised in the village square with formal witnesses and all the traditional rites of a local shotgun wedding.
Tombe duly handed over a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars to the goat's owner and the ceremony was declared legally binding.
"The idea was to publicly embarrass the man," the editor of the local newspaper said.
But the union proved a surprisingly happy one and Tombe even accepted his wife's ensuing pregnancy with good grace despite several dozen appointments with witchdoctors to assure him he was not responsible for fathering a new human/goat hybrid.
But sadly last weekend Rose dropped dead.
A local veterniary surgeon has performed a makeshift autopsy on Rose and declared that 'either she gagged to death ot it was other unnatural causes that resulted in her demise'.
A low key funeral and swift burial outside the vilage perimiters in an unmarked spot has ensured the belegaured animal won't end up eaten by some kinky village idiot.
