Written by KEN RYNNE

Tuesday, 10 April 2007

image for As Thousands in Iraq Call For US Withdrawal -- US Withdraws
Bush to Saudis: How did our g*ddamn oil get under your g*ddamn sand in the first place?

(Baghdad) -- After a third day of protests calling for the US to withdraw from Iraq, today the United States in a surprise move, withdrew. The move came as protests did the unthinkable in this war-torn capital -- actually uniting Sunnis, Shiites, & Kurds in a common cause. Namely, Yankee Go Home!

One street vendor doing a brisk business in asphalt noted, "Thank you for bringing us democracy, the rule of law, and facial quality bathroom tissue. We'll take it from here. Bye bye now." A freelance local policeman added, "And, please enjoy your oil which - we apologize - somehow got under our sand."

As American troops "stood down," along with the remaining forces of the "Coalition of the Willing"- 6 Romanian translators, a Norweigan disc jockey, and 3 wrestlers from Borneo, Iraqis "stood up," folded their tents, and went home to see what was on cable and wondered aloud who had won Iraqi Idol. Saudi Arabian forces were seen moving into Iraq with other Arab League troops to keep the peace and hold the dreaded albeit largely animated Persians as seen in the current film "300" at bay.

In a related development, Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr (Manny) Mottaki reported that 15 British Marines on an Antarctica survey team surrendered yesterday to Iranian naval forces - or were they penguins? - and immediately donned poorly tailored business suits and confessed in a hastily called press conference that they violated Iranian sovereignty.

Current Arab League Chairman Saudi King Abdullah's recent characterization of the US ocupation of Iraq as "illegitimate, foreign, and just mean," and the King's call for the US to withdraw from Saudi's oil-rich neighbor and end the "unjust" financial blockade and boycott of Palestinian decorative seashells and Baskets by Hamas, caused more than a few US policymakers to reassess the US position.

At least one high-ranking member of the US government reached in the John McCain-safe Green Zone, when told of the Saudi King's view, was heard to ask over nearby IED explosions, "Then what the f*ck are we doing here?" as he ducked shrapnel transmigrating through his armour-free Humvee. Today's surprise reversal of policy, called "Operation Howdy, Saudi Duty," followed.

Saudi Arabia is the largest producer of crude oil and the largest producer of radical terrorists responsible for attacks on the United States on 9/11. The price of crude oil spiked $1.30/bbl to $66.63 on world markets amid the news. Panic buying and topping-off of gasoline tanks was reported in several US cities. It was feared the price of gasoline could approach that of a vente latte at Starbuck's by the weekend. Energy industry observers were guarded expressing concern that conservation and deployment of renewable fuels could break out at any minute.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Iraq

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