Written by Gringo Lobos

Tuesday, 24 October 2017

image for Due to Budget Cuts, Local Councils forced to use unemployed locals as Crocodile Bait
Here we see some of the lucky unemployed locals being used as live bait for crocodiles on the Work for the Dole Program

After the recent welfare crackdown many unfortunate souls are being forced into Croc Baiting Jobs to feed their family.

Under direct orders from the ever increasing right wing fascist Australian government many hapless souls are being arbitrarily culled from welfare benefits by the automated RoboCall System. The system is designed to rid the country of the parasites that claimed more than $5 on welfare payments in the last 10 years, but it appears as though the computer logic has gone somewhat awry.

Destitute families are being sent computer generated automated letters stating that if they can't find details of all financial affairs going back 10 years they will be stripped of all benefits. They are given a number of alternative options including starving, selling their children for scientific experiments, pimping out their teenage daughters to priests and politicians, or using family members as crocodile bait.

Naturally human rights groups are outraged, but were quickly dismissed as hysterical fake news and threatened with similar RoboCall action. The government also refuted any inhumane aspects by stating that only members of the family that met stringent guidelines would be used as croc bait.

Others think it is about high time that these dole bludgers were made to contribute to the national economy and acting as croc bait they said would save decent Australians from being eaten. Many liberal voters couldn't see any problem and questioned how much they were going to get paid for such a trivial contribution to the economy. Some of the more humane liberal voters asked why refugees weren't being used given the outrageous costs of the Manus Island Gulag, but the government has received technical advice that they don't taste very good to crocs and are of little value to the program.

Civil rights lawyers complain that the job description is patently misleading. Role description boasts of leisurely swimming, outdoors sunbathing, becoming a local celebrity and the opportunity to be nominated for this years Darwin Award.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Crocodile




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
57 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more