Shameful Shocker: Identity of Dolphin Diner Disclosed - World's Tallest Man Fin Fiend!

Funny story written by Andy Lam

Friday, 15 December 2006

image for Shameful Shocker: Identity of Dolphin Diner Disclosed - World's Tallest Man Fin Fiend!
I just can't help myself, they are too delicious - Bao

Beijing - Contrary to earlier reports, the diner who ate the last remaining Chinese white dolphin - or bajji - was not a westerner but was, in fact, Bao Xishun, the 7 foot nine inch herder from Inner Mongolia. Bao, the world's tallest man, attempted to make amends for his shameful meal by assisting veterinarians in saving the lives of two dolphins that had become ill after eating plastic from the edge of their pool.

"It was shocking and very strange," said Chen Lujun, the manager of the Royal Jidi Ocean World aquarium, "one day he is eating dolphins and the next day he is helping to save one. If it were not for the unfortunate ending to today's events this might have been viewed as karma."

The dolphins seemed to sense that Bao had a mixed record with their species. The animals, which had been docile before his arrival, became upset and agitated when he entered their pool. Their excitement abated when he left the room for a moment to don an arm-length plastic sheath, only to resume upon his re-entry. Bao showed clear signs of discomfort as he approached the animals and those in attendance described him as being unable to make eye contact with the patients.

Xhu Xiaoling, a local doctor assisting with the procedure asked Bao if there was a reason he appeared so uncomfortable around the two dolphins or if he had any idea why the dolphins were reacting to him so strangely. Unable to conceal the truth, Bao broke down sobbing and confessed that it had been him who had eaten the last bajji. "I am so sorry," the giant man wailed, "the big fish looked so good that I could not stop myself! I had to eat it."

As his explanation unfolded, he related that the entire tale of a raffle had been a fabrication created by Chinese officials to protect Bao, thought by many to be one of China's unique national treasures. An Interior Ministry official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, would neither confirm nor deny Bao's claim but did offer this cryptic statement: "I will say that Bao deserves our esteem and protection - and our understanding that his appetite is, shall we say, unnatural."

With the encouragement of the veterinarians, Bao was able to dislodge the plastic which had caused the problems. Unfortunately, he managed to devour one of the animals before being removed from the treatment area.

"Oh," he cried, "I've done it again. I just can't help myself, they are too delicious!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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