A TS-Investigation - Keeping The Candidates Honest
Q. Does Donald Trump Have Two heads?
In the first story Trump's assistants reportedly threw a curtain over the second head before any photos were taken. In the case of the X-Ray image, radiologists and anatomists have since dismissed the second head as an artifact of the scanner or software, while others have called the image an outright hoax.
Q. Are Hillary Clinton and the TV show Friends the voice of the Devil?
When a sound technician at The Spoof accidentally played a clip of Hillary Clinton speaking backwards, what she heard was astonishing: Dialogue from episodes of the old TV show Friends could be heard along with other bits of unidentifiable audio. Under further analysis parts of the Nancy Grace Show could also be distinguished when Hillary's speaking voice was played backwards.
We talked to audio experts familiar with "back-masking" techniques that are often used in music and movies to add sound effects. Most were unsure how Clinton could make the sounds of Friends backwards in real time. "Most likely it's an elaborate hoax," says Stewart Schmelhoff, audio engineer and owner of Digital Stewdios in Littleton CO, "just like the Paul McCartney thing, it's all a huge joke."
Ted Cruz believes the reverse audio of Hillary speaking is proof of her demonic possession, and once claimed he could exorcise the demons that were in Hillary. Surprisingly, the Clinton camp agreed to a debate format where Cruz tried to prove his claims about Hillary. The resulting combination of debate, exorcism and stare-down left both candidates exhausted and with blood coming out of their eyes. The episode still leaves the question of Hillary's demonic possesion unanswered.
NBC and the writers of the TV show Friends declined to comment for this story.
Which leads to:
Q. Is Ted Cruz an Exorcist?
A. Partly True
Cruz's family converted to Southern Baptist in the middle ages, and though not a mainstream practice, the Southern Baptist church also practices exorcism. Yet, inexplicably, Ted Cruz is also authorized to perform "certain rites of the Catholic Church," according to Pope Francis. Presumably that means exorcisms, though the Pope declined to elaborate when he first revealed that information.
Our previous reporting incorrectly stated that the Pope said, "Ted Cruz is a good Catholic boy". The Spoof interpreters now say the correct translation of the Pope's statement was "Ted Cruz would have made a good alter boy."
Cruz has downplayed his college reputation for having "exorcism parties", but his graduating class at Princeton voted him the guy you would most likely want along for an exorcism or a mutiny.
Q. Is Bernie Sanders a Muppet or related to Colonel Sanders?
A. Inconclusive and no
Bernie Sanders does have a striking resemblance to the Muppet character Waldorf. While it's unlikely that they are the same person, there are a lot of similarities: The facial features and hair are alike and they can both be grumpy.
Though Colonel Sanders and candidate Bernie share the same last name there is no known family relation. They do look alike and there have been many popular memes that put Bernie Sanders in place of the Colonel in a KFC graphic. The Colonel could be grumpy too: After he sold his franchise, the Colonel was on the KFC payroll to visit store locations as well as fulfilling other PR functions. Cranky Colonel Sanders was known for profanity laced complaints when the food at the the stores was not to his liking.