NEW YORK September 25 - After his recent speech apparently denigrating the qualities of soft materials which have a good handfeel and which can be made into fashionably shapeless 1960's style shirts and skirts, Popeye has declared that he was misunderstood and that he didn't actually mean to attack Muslin as such - he really had it in for denim all along.
"The truth is that as so often in the world of fashion, riven as it is by dogmatic differences caused by tiny doctrinal variations - the length of a skirt, the diameter of a button, how many angels it is that can dance on the head of a safety-pin - my words have been deliberately misinterpreted by those with an axe or a pair of pinking shears to grind. I have never intended to suggest that Muslin is a weak or feeble material, susceptible to shrinkage and frankly only any good for cheap clothes suitable for immigrants and others with no discernible taste or sensibility."
Speaking at the recent New York Fashion Week Iranians Are Evil And Should Be Bombed presentation, Popeye pointed out that all through history Muslin has been the material of choice for fashion-conscious desert dwellers with no other fabrics available. "Camelskin is warm but not fun" said His Spinachness. "Muslin is the best choice for those of us in an environment where global warming is already part of the daily weather. Frankly, if you were going to name and shame a fabric that hits the bum notes, it would be denim. Heavy, slack, and blue, it's the pits for faithful followers of the Profit."
As a result of his remarks world Muslin leaders have called for a meeting with Popeye as soon as he can get his anvil-biceps down to controllable size. "We're not stupid" says Chiz al-Clot, chairman of the World Council of Market Traders. "Engage in a fight with a bloke who can knock you into the middle of next month's sales figures? Not likely. Soon as he puts out his pipe we'll see him and hear what he has to say about his filthy remarks concerning the Great and Good Muslin. Till then we're saying to our followers ‘go out and burn anything that isn't cotton'." That includes effigies of Popeye and his followers, whoever they are.
