Chicago Aldermen To Oversee Iraq Voting

Funny story written by misha marinsky

Wednesday, 14 December 2005

image for Chicago Aldermen To Oversee Iraq Voting
Iraqis Try Out New Boxes

BAGHDAD - Chicago Aldermen, representing every Ward from that city, are in Iraq to observe and certify tomorrow's Iraqi national voting.

Lazlo Javic told this reporter "We're the ones who perfected dead people voting, and Iraq is the perfect place with all the dead people around here." He added that he hoped a candidate named Jamal bin Daley would win. Javic then added, "I'm sure he will."

Javic said he and the rest of the other Aldermen would stay in Iraq until they had finished counting the ballots. "Then we're going to buy that bin Daley a dark navy blue suit and a pair of wingtips. Those sandals look like hell."

Javic complained that restaurants in Iraq do not serve pork chops. "They keep kosher like the Jews. Although, I know a Jewish guy in Skokie who eats them." Javic also complained about all the potholes on the airport runways and city streets. "When that bin Daley gets in, this will all get fixed - or else. We have some paving contractors in Cook County lined up."

When asked about concerns for their personal safety, Javic said "No one messes with Colucci." He noted that "when Colucci and his guys are around, everyone looks the other way. That's the way they should have done it at the beginning,ya know."

Javic said that when they go back to Chicago, they're taking bin Daley with them, "to give him a crash course on running an office. Then, we'll send him back with some of our guys."

Javic said he liked the ballot boxes and red ink on voter's fingers. "We should have thought that up in Cook County years ago. It's so much easier than the way we've been doing it since before 1900." He noted how it compared with voter registration cards, showing a photo ID and finagling with mechanical voting machines.

Javic also noted with pride that "Colucci's boys don't get hassled in Baghdad about carrying pistols with silencers. Hell, they even took them on the plane here. That bin Daley has a lot to learn."

Javic said he hopes to make regular visits to bin Daley's Baghdad office. "I'm sure he'll remember who made all of this possible."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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