Schwarzenegger Vetos "Girly Man" Gay Marriage Bill

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Thursday, 8 September 2005


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Terminates gay marriage bill

Sacramento: California governor and self-avowed 'manly-man" Arnold Schwarzenegger today vowed to veto a gay marriage bill which slipped past a lubricated California Legislature. Said Schwarzenegger, "Girls will be boys and boys will be girls it's a mixed up muddled up shook up world. But that happened a long time ago when I was a confused young man. I believe the girly-men, like me, all they really need is some intense physical exercise, maybe some weights to lift, and they can become manly men too."

After a rainbow flag was erected in front of the State Senate building, legislaters said they "felt intense pressure from behind" to pass the bill. Political action groups were reportedly "exceedingly well funded by the manufacturers of Viagra and Cialis. Why shouldn't we let gays marry?" asked one more relaxed legislator, "outside of opposition from fundamentalist groups who think gays should all be stoned in the name of Jesus?"

Gay rights supporters shrieked and waved multi-colored hankies in the gallery as California lawmakers became the first in the country to approve a bill allowing same-sex marriages. But their celebration may be short-lived.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, has orally expressed an acceptance of gay marriages but said it's a deeply penetrating issue that should be decided by voters or the courts rather than the legislature.

"Arnold isn't about to bend over for political suicide, said one opponent of the bill." Opponents of same-sex marriage are trying to qualify initiatives for the 2006 ballot that would amend the state Constitution to ban gay marriages.

The bill's supporters compared the legislation to earlier civil rights campaigns, including efforts to eradicate slavery and give women the right to vote.
Letting them drive was our real mistake, but it's too late now." said Les Maddox, from San Diego.

"History will record that you betrayed your constituents and their moral and ethical values," Republican Ass. Jay Sewer grumbled..

California already gives same-sex couples many of the rights and duties of marriage provided they register with the state as homo sapiens.

Vermont began recognizing civil war reunions in 2000, follwoing a ruling by the state's Supreme Court. "As the debate today showed, man:man love conquers fear, stiff principles can penetrate politics and female equality conquers injustice, top OR bottom."

"Schwarzenegger can't afford to sign the gay marriage license bill," Sewer said. "It's too controversial. Better to skirt the issue, and let the courts or voters decide" said indicted Congressionial Representative Randy "duke" Cunnilingus, another avowed "manly man."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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