Minnesota Woman Tries to Mail Puppy to Georgia

Funny story written by Aubergine Underwood

Friday, 4 February 2011

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Don't Box Me In

Just when you think the human race can't get any more stupid and you can't bear to read one more account of animal cruelty, a story like this emerges.

A 39-year old resident of Minneapolis, Stacey Braindead, placed a puppy inside a box and took it to the Post Office with the intention of mailing it as a birthday gift to a family member in Atlanta.

Telling postal workers not to be concerned if they heard odd noises coming from the tightly sealed box as a toy robot was inside, Ms. Braindead paid $22 to have it airmailed to Atlanta.

Fortunately, when the box moved and fell off the counter, postal workers became suspicious and opened the box to discover a 4-month old poodle-schnauzer mix puppy named Guess.

Without adequate air, food, or water and enduring 40 below temperatures in the cargo hold of a plane, Guess would certainly have been dead-on-arrival at his destination. Some birthday present.

Guess was taken to a local animal shelter.

Incredibly, Stacey Braindead returned to the Post Office and demanded a refund of her $22 fee. "This is just so typical of the Postal Service -- you mail something and it never gets there."

It has been widely suggested that Ms. Braindead be placed in a sealed pine box and shipped to Atlanta to see how she likes it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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