Minnesota woman masters the Time Warp

Funny story written by Amethyst Ryder

Saturday, 5 June 2010

image for Minnesota woman masters the Time Warp
Helena Handbasket does the Time Warp again.

In preparation for an upcoming 70s-themed block party, Helena Handbasket, 47, recently began refreshing her memory and working on her moves for the Time Warp, a dance based upon the lyrics to the song by the same name from the 1975 cult film The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

"So I see this announcement in the paper," Handbasket said. "And it says, put on your 70s clothes and get ready to groove to the Hustle and the Time Warp and the Funky Chicken. So I think, hey, I remember the Time Warp! Sort of."

The Time Warp begins with a jump to the left, followed by a step to the right repeated two times. The dancer then puts the hands on the hips and draws the knees in tight, proceeding with several pelvic thrusts and a few "insane" swivels of the hips.

Closing moves of the dance vary from region to region. The version Handbasket recalled involved thrusting one hand, then the other, into the air, followed by folding the hands, one after the other, over the chest, mummy-style, finishing with a sweeping shake of the hands into the air and down in an arc to the sides.

Handbasket, a lifelong resident of Outer Suburbia, Minnesota, was first introduced to the Time Warp at a high school cast party. "That would've been, oh, 1979 or so. It's been a while," she added.

Handbasket turned to YouTooToob, the twenty-first century's repository of comprehensive cultural knowledge. "And sure enough, there it was: more Time Warp videos than you can shake a stick at."

Did the videos prove helpful?

"It was like falling off a bicycle," Handbasket said. "It was amazing how much I remembered after 30 years. Well, actually, I wasn't very good at it back in the day--but I've been practicing," she declared, showing off her newly finessed dance moves.

"The pelvic thrusting's a little rusty, at my age," she admitted, "but with a bit more practice I'll have it nailed."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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