Selena Gomez Refuses TSA "Pat Down" At LAX Airport

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 23 December 2010

image for Selena Gomez Refuses TSA "Pat Down" At LAX Airport
Selena Gomez waiting in line to go through the X-ray machine at LAX Airport. (Photo courtesy of Larry King).

LOS ANGELES - Teen singing sensation Selena Gomez was at LAX Airport on her way to visit her grandmother who lives in Dime Box, Texas.

The star of the Disney Channel's The Wizards of Waverly Place had gone through the airport's metal detector without an incident. She was then asked to go through the X-ray scanner.

She complied with the instructions and again everything went well. Selena did laugh out loud when she saw the X-ray of her xiphoid process.

Gomez was then told that she had been randomly selected to be patted down. She was instructed to proceed to the airport's pat down area, known as Pat Down Central, which is located in Airport Section A. She immediately refused stating that her reason for her refusal was a personal one.

The TSA inspector, identified as Anthony Alejandro Dockenbong, 19, informed her that according to the Official TSA Pat Down Manual there are no personal reasons for anyone refusing to submit to an official TSA pat down.

Gomez insisted that she had passed the metal detector test, and the X-ray machine test and did not understand why she was being made to now subject herself and her (blank) to the dreaded pat down test.

Dockenbong informed her that the pat down test is federally mandated and since she is a citizen of the United States she has to comply with the pat down directive.

Selena became very upset and started screaming at the top of her lungs. "I am an American, I am an American" she kept repeating it over and over.

Airport security was called. They asked her if she was going to allow herself and her (blank) to be patted down. They informed her that the TSA inspector would be using half inch thick gloves.

Selena raised her eyebrows and told them that no one except for her future husband was going to be touching her on her (blank) gloves or no gloves.

The two security guards then told her to follow them. She asked where she was going to. They told her that they were going to escort her out of the airport terminal and off the airport property and told her that she could then take a taxi to the nearest Greyhound bus station.

Selena paused for a moment. And then asked, "Okay, dammit, so tell me, how thick are the damn gloves again?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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