Bush to Allow Use of Iraqi Fetuses in Stem Cell Research

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Tuesday, 2 August 2005

image for Bush to Allow Use of Iraqi Fetuses in Stem Cell Research

George Bush has confounded ethicists with his assertion that the Sanctity of Life applies only to unborn fetuses and those who are braindead, and living in a vegetative state, whereas everyone else is ‘fair game' for wholesale slaughter, sustained torture, and incineration on death row.

Karl Rove has urged Bush to hold consistently to his wholy inconsistent views, because it allows Republicans to walk with an aura of self-righteous superiority, and weep sanctimoniously over the future of an unformed blob of fetal tissue, and then the next day attend a tailgate party or a Texas-style barbeque and beer-bash, celebrating the ultimate demise of a death-row inmate.

Rove believes that if Republicans can claim the pious, moral high-ground on issues of stem cell research, nobody will notice that they are closing down medical clinics for the poor, cutting medicare funding, slashing aid for the elderly, cutting Headstart programs, eliminating financial aid for poor families, and engineering an economy that pulls the rug out from under the middle class, by transferring funds to the ultra-rich, and undermining the future of social security by transferring funds to the pockets of the Merchants of Death.... the International Arms Manufacturers.

When Bush ordered the invasion of Iraq, it was preceded by an intensive bombing campaign which resulted in the deaths of 100,000 innocent Iraqi civilians. However, Bush, being a ‘compassionate conservative' and devoted to the sanctity of life of unborn fetuses, set up a program in the hospitals of Iraq, whereby, if a pregnant woman was brought into a hospital, bleeding from falling shrapnel, the fetus would be harvested from her womb, before she died, and sustained in a petri dish.

Bush has also alloted $10 billion for the pentagon to begin developing a new generation of weopons which will kill adults and children, but leave unborn fetuses unharmed.

Earlier this year, the Reverend Roy Hogtown acquainted Bush with a 17th century theologiocal treatise which convinced Bush that only Christians have souls. Buddhists, Hindus, Moslems, Taoists, Jains, etc have no souls. Catholics (who are considered to have a partially correct theology) are considered to have partial souls.

Now, since Moslems, and their unborn infants, do not have souls, Bush has agreed to a compromise, stating that the fetuses he collected during the bombing of Iraq, can now be used in stem cell research.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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