67% of Surveys carried out for newspaper headlines

Funny story written by Igor

Friday, 22 July 2005

image for 67% of Surveys carried out for newspaper headlines
Billy Idol surveys an injured woman

A new survey shows that a staggering 67% of surveys carried out are done purely for newspaper articles and headlines and not research.

Of the remaining 33%, it was discovered that 12% of surveys are carried out by Marketing companies, 10% are carried out by university undergraduates, 8% carried out by independent men in coats on the street and 3% carried out as impromptu surveys, usually marked by "A show of hands".

The news that most of these surveys are only carried out to sell newspapers has sparked fierce reaction.
The most recent survey states that 76% of people will never take part in a survey again unless they are sure it isn't for a newspaper article, with the remaining 14% saying that they "don't know".

Research from Oxford University says that the trend for "casual" surveying is on the increase:

"100% of people that took part in our most recent survey said they didn't mind answering a few questions, that is an amazing statistic, that means that there isn't a single person out there that we surveyed who objects to being put through one of these surveys!"

Other findings from Oxford discovered that the average person, in a lifetime, is surveyed 1200 times, answers 56,000 questions, with 68% of closed questions answered 'Yes' and will answer 'Don't Know' roughly 14,000 times. The average person lies in 35% of answers, with 24% of the answers relating more to fantasy than reality.
The survey was carried out on behalf of News International.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more