An unidentified man placed a phone-call to the Oval Office this morning, demanding to talk with the President, "or else".
"During the phone-call, which was recorded, the suspect made a lot of allegations about America, which simply are false," said CIA spokesperson Wendy Thomas. "We traced the call to Timbuktu, and are cooperating with the local police to find the man who not only threatened the United States, but gravely insulted our dear country."
According to CIA's press-release, the man said that "America must accept UN inspections." "The man claimed that he had intelligence suggesting that America is in possession of weapons of mass destruction, and that the regime is responsible for torturing prisoners, and spreading its tyranny abroad," laughed Ms. Thomas.
"The man needs a good shrink more than anything else," said the President. "Or he should start his own late night comedy show." When asked if he was nervous during the call, Bush answered, "Of course I was. Who of y'all wouldn't be? We have a man making ridiculous claims about our country, based on nothing, and threatening an invasion. I was nervous, but at the same time I had to keep covering the phone because I was busting the gut so hard."
Vice President Dick Cheney was holding back tears as he was laughing so hard. After getting a hold on himself, he said in a hoarse voice, "The man is a terrorist if I ever saw one. He says he has intelligence. What intelligence? The allegations he's making are simply preposterous. He said we have biological weapons!" Mr. Cheney could not be reached, as he was shaking in a fetal position on the ground from the laughter.
In an official statement, President Bush said that he will not give in to the terrorist, and that only over his dead body would UN inspectors set foot on American soil. "We are a free country," he said. "After nine-one-one, we all have learned to be careful of people making insulting claims about our country. If someone has a problem, or a bone to pick with America, they are asking for war, because they are good-for-nothing lying terrorists."