Escaped Chimp Flips His Sh-t, Eats Cop Car.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Escaped Chimp Flips His Sh-t, Eats Cop Car.

The world's baddest-assed chimpanzee --a 300 pounder named Sueko-- flipped his sh-t, broke free of its chains, and terrorized downtown Kansas City, MO, finally being caught as it ate an entire police cruiser.


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That until Heath Ledger's mercy Oscar, Network's Peter Finch was the only actor to win an Oscar after his death?

"That f--king monkey is nuts," said patrolman Francine 'Penny' Patterson, whose car Sueko devoured. "All I asked him was for his ID, and whether he was an American citizen. He didn't look American."

This isn't the first time Sueko has had a run-in with cops.

In 2002, Sueko was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct, after leading a protest against the killing of the chimpanzee who maimed Charla Nash, who lost her nose, hands, an eye lid and lips in a chimp attack. Surgeons had to remove her eyes some months later due to an infection.

"At some point in your life, you've got to break free," said Sueko, after being shot in the ass with a tranquilizer. "You've got to say, 'I'm a primate, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!"

Sueko had a message for his followers as well: "I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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