Jesse Jackson Claims Tea Party Racists Stole His Cadillac....In Detroit!

Funny story written by Morse

Friday, 3 September 2010

image for Jesse Jackson Claims Tea Party Racists Stole His Cadillac....In Detroit!
Jackson's Escalade Was Stolen from In Front of this Upscale Gentleman's Club in Downtown Detroit!

Race Baiter and Hate Monger the Reverend (sic) Jesse Jackson today claimed that the perpetrators who stole his Cadillac Escalade while he was at a Detroit Strip Club "must have been those White Tea Party Racists!"

Jackson, in town to meet with Government Motors,(GM) officials and United Auto Workers (UAW) Union leaders to discuss how they could leverage dismal 2nd quarter earnings into more Government Bail Out Money, was dismayed after emerging from "The Gentleman's Ebony Club" in downtown Detroit where the meeting was held, to find his tricked out Cadillac Escalade with the 24 inch chrome wheels and the statue of a Black Virgin Mary hood emblem wasn't parked next to the fire hydrant where he left it with the handicapped permit attached to the rear view mirror.

The theft follows a pattern where only last week Detroit Mayor Dave Bing had his Chevrolet Tahoe stolen when he left his vehicle idling on a downtown street to buy 'just a little weed."

Jackson was said to be beside himself with the loss of his vehicle, even though he had several additional backups in his garage. "This is intolerable," he was heard to exclaim to his entourage, "no Black man would do this to another black man, either those Hymies have moved into the neighborhood, or those Tea Party Racists are stalking me!"

At the current time Detroit is experiencing over 20% unemployment and any white people who haven't left are either dead or locked into their basement
in a neighborhood festooned with foreclosure signs with sidewalks littered with hypodermic needles, crack pipes , spent 9mm shell casings and condoms.

A spokesman for Jackson said he was forced to file a claim with his insurance company for the customized rig for over $78,000 including the $12,000 in extras he paid for Crushed Velour Seats, state of the art Boom Box stereo system, hydraulic shocks, and the custom lamb skin condom dispenser hidden in the glove box to prevent any more embarrassing out of wed lock pregnancies.

Jackson, still wearing the blood stained shirt he claims is imprinted with the blood of Martin Luther King after the assassination which has won him untold funds, government grants and tax free status, and which he pulls out every time he needs attention, claimed that he was the victim of yet another conspiracy.

Jackson , who has latched himself on to the Al Gore Global Warming Free Money Scam in order to get more cash from the government, said the only reason he was driving the Escalade was because his Prius was in the shop getting the high speed floor mats replaced.

Mayor Dave Bing said the reason he was driving his Tahoe was that he was holding on to it until the new Chevy Volt came out within the next five years, as soon as Obama figured out how to get more than 35 miles out of the batteries manufactured in China from Lithium mined in Chile.

Jesse Jackson Jr., a state of Illinois congressman tied to the Blago Scandal and said to have offered the former Governor over $1m to be appointed to Obama's vacated Senate seat, said he was making arrangements for a private car to pick up his father and bring him to Chicago to help him with some community organizing functions, some grant requests, and to help him get laid.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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