Cupertino CA: Steve Jobs, Apples' CEO, announced the next technological breakthrough called the Ear-Phone would follow the successful introduction of the ipod, ipad and iphone.
The Ear-Phone is a response to various state governments banning the use of hand held cell phones while driving an automobile. The Ear-Phone is implanted in the neck behind either ear. The choice of right or left ear is customized to the user's political affiliation.
Controls are quite simple, just pull the ear lobe of the implanted ear and speak the voice activated number to be called. Similarly, pull the implanted ear lobe to receive a call, when a buzzing sound is heard in the head. When done with any call, rub your nose to terminate the operation. Slapping one's forehead is not a control, but is a sign that something is not working correctly.
Placement of the antenna was a problem, but has been cleverly solved and is being closely held as a "sexy" company "private" technical solution. Green options include possibly sharing a person's implanted pacemaker battery to conserve energy. No outer case also means the minimization of the use of plastic, made from that nasty old oil!
The new Health Care Reform legislation covers the cost of the Ear-Phone implant, including surgery, and is also tax free. The implant is recommended by the new Administrator of Medicare, if the person is eligible for the program. The reasoning is simple, should it ever be proven that cell phones cause brain tumors Medicare recipients will be reduced!
Wall Street reacted positively as Apple shares reached a new high, especially when an implanted hands free texting device was hinted as being the next product in the company's development pipeline.