Written by anthonyrosania

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Lohan: "Me, Jail? But Jail Is For Poor People Who Do Coke And Drive Drunk!"
Goodnight, Lindsay.

Lindsay Lohan will need to take the next 6 or so months off, because she will be a guest of the State of California.

Lindsay Lohan will be serving jail sentences as follows:

Linsdsay will be sh-tting into a stanless steel commode during her first 30 days in jail: Her reckless driving, from 2007

She'll then be braiding the hair of another inmate named "Babygurl" during her second30 days in jail for her first DUI, also in 2007.

Lastly, she'll be tossing lady-salad during her third 30 days in jail for her second DUI, in 2008, when she was found to be in possession of cocaine, and when her drug test stemming from the DUI showed cocaine and alcohol intoxication.

In addition, Ms. Lohan is Ordered to spend 90 days bluffing her way through yet another stay in rehab.

Lohan avoided jail time for violating the terms of her summary probation. To wit: Failing to comply with the Court's Order regarding weekly alcohol education classes.

On the plus side, Lohan was nominated for a Daytime Emmy for her dramatic, off-the-cuff Method Acting performance of her pre-sentencing piece entitled, "I just wanted to take a minute to say that as far as I knew I was being in compliant with, um my program," which she also wrote.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

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