Hollywood CA: Emergency Medical Technicians (EMT) responded to a 911 call about a man found laying unconscious at the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and Vine Street. He was transported, via ambulance to nearby Hollywood General Hospital.
Hospital emergency room doctors diagnosed the patient, a Mr. DD Knockers, as suffering from Post Mammalian Silicosis (PMS) after noticing pairs of white blobs with centered red protrusions. These twin peaks were seen all over the patient's body.
LAPD officers were then alerted to determine if any foul play was involved with Mr. Knockers' ailment. They established that Mr. Knockers was employed by TATAS Unlimited Inc, ego builders to starlets since 1960. A company executive was contacted and indicated that Mr. Knockers was a real boob who had been fired for stealing. The officers said "there was no subsequent police report of any theft." The red faced manager said "would you report the theft of 400 silicone breast implants of various sizes?"
A medical forensics team was also dispatched to Mr. Knockers' residence located in the Hooter Hills section of the San Fernando Valley. The team needed to investigate the cause of the malady, as when Mr. Knockers regained conscious he appeared very despondent and began sucking his thumb. A search of his completely trashed apartment revealed dozens of posters of bosomy female Hollywood stars, but only 399 silicone breast implants.
Apparently Mr. Knockers' dog Dolly had run off and buried the missing implant, which led to the patient going bonkers and having sagging spirits. TATAS Unlimited has agreed not to press charges and the patient was transported to the UCLA Medical Center where he was confined to the hospital's psychiatric ward for further treatment. Mr. Knockers has agreed to find a new hobby, such as mountain climbing in the Grand Tetons.
