Written by Chuck Terzella

Wednesday, 7 September 2005

The Bush Administration, concerned at the dramatically falling enlistment levels in it's military forces, is re-visiting the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy of the Clinton Administration. The feeling is that the Armed Forces are losing many valuable soldiers to civilian jobs as homosexuals continue to forgo military service under the cloud of secrecy in favor of civilian jobs with Gay friendly organizations such as the Bob Jones University and The Alabama Department of Public Works.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "While the President can't actually come out of the closet with his support of Gays in the Military, I have to admit there's been a definite shift in attitudes in the White House. We actually have James Guckert to thank for that. Now that we have conclusive proof that a Gay Military Escort can also be a rabid, lying Conservative scum bucket the Administration is starting to think that maybe we've been too harsh on Gays in general. Plus, I gotta admit, those photo's of Gannon we've been googling all week are kinda hot. Word is that Alberto Gonzales is using one as his screen saver."

Pentagon sources aware on the animosity that Heterosexual soldiers feel towards Gays, are hinting that the military is thinking about forming exclusive units of Gay soldiers, which are tentatively being referred to as the Rear Guard, to serve as independent squads. The only problem seems to be that khaki and berets are so passé' that few gay men are willing to get involved; however Lesbians of a certain attitude are reported to be very into the style.

Conservative Christian groups are still said to be leery of allowing Homosexuals to live at all, let alone serve their country, where there is a chance that they may be honored with medals and promotions and things. The White House, sensitive to it's core constituency, is assuring those groups using the simplest words possible that Gay soldiers would only be used in places where they're pretty much assured to be killed within the shortest time possible.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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