Racism and Genocide Celebrate 150th Birthday. Royal Society Slams Expose: 'Origin of the Feces and the Ascent of the Vidalia Onion'

Funny story written by Cuff

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

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Darwin: I am sooo talented and you people are so dumb

One hundred and fifty years ago today science betrayed Sir Isaac Newton and his empirical fact based methodology, assassinated God and embraced the concept of self serving visual evidence. As a direct result Racism, Genocide and Bestiality have flourished along with conjecture based 'fact' theories such as Global Warming.

The once proud Royal Society of London, the self proclaimed leader of world wide science, cheered the anniversary and then hammered the release of Ti Cuff's 'The Origin of the Feces and the Ascent of the Vidalia Onion'. Claiming that it owns sole proprietorship to making things up and labeling it as science Sir Harry Handcock blasted the revelation which topped the New Yank Times bestseller list on its first day of release.

"This is unacceptable. This is just another attempt by radical idiots who still believe God exists and a direct assault on our 'Keep God Dead' campaign. What is outrageous is that this garbage is written from a context of fiction but is really the truth; unacceptable! Ti Cuff is nothing but an evolution terrorist and serial spoofer and must be stopped!"

The book in question is a fictional account by one of a handful of survivors from a world wide plague, 'The Green', who is charged with the responsibility of defining what science should and shouldn't do. The survivor, 'Looey the Dragon', is of African descent and never understood racism then was duly shocked during his research that it had been invented by the Society in order to conduct its campaign of robbing foreign lands and their inhabitants. The study found the positive role model for science was Albert Einstein and the negative Charles Darwin. Einstein was properly educated and subscribed to the scientific method and Darwin was a trust baby and the first 'created' celebrity.

"This intelligent design nonsense is out of control." Harry continued. "We refuse to consider it as an alternate theory to evolution because it can actually be documented. We killed God get over it." When told that the book had nothing to do with intelligent design; sort of like Darwin's works. "This is ludicrous. This author is one of only two people left alive that actually read Darwin's 1000 page book. That is the point. People need someone to tell them what reality is just ask Obama. We tell people what the truth is and never expect them to actually do research or read; that's why we invented twitter."

When pressed for the fact that ninety percent of the population believes in God. "That just proves how stupid people are. You can't believe in both God and Darwin's Evolution."

When asked if perhaps evolution should be changed to 'environmental adaptation'.

"Screw that. We would rather promote the next faze of our campaign." And what might that be? "We are recalibrating the calendar to better reflect our Atheist view. We were the ones that crammed B.C.E., before current era, down the villagers throat because B.C., before Christ, was offensive so now we will reset the era clock to 1860 and call it A.E., after evolution. That means we are in year 150 A.E. and will change B.C.E. to EFKABCABCE, era formerly known as BC and BCE."

When asked if anyone would buy such crap. "Evolution, Al Gore and Global Warming is proof of that but to keep the great unwashed happy we will toss them a bone by re admitting the planet Pluto to the solar system."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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