In the small community of Bastardo, Arkansas where every other person you meet is a Buchanan, there is something strange going on.
"And it's not that 90% of the state is related to each other", stated Police coroner John Buchanan Buchanan who has many double-cousins.
Over the past six months, bodies have been found in the woods throughout the northern part of the state near Buchananville, that have been almost totally consumed by buzzards.
"That in itself would not be suspicious", stated Doctor Buchanan. "The trouble is that these bodies have been consumed only shortly after death or even during the final moment or two."
So what does this mean?
"It means that either these birds have ESP and know where to hang out for an upcoming dinner or else, they are providing it for themselves. Yes, I'm talking about Killer Buzzards creating their own meals!"
This latest news has first caused a panic and Buchanans trying to leave the state or at least, staying in twos everywhere they go.
"Maybe we have too many Buchanans and that is drawing the buzzards to attack us for our bloodlines being so intertwined, or else the buzzard attacks will start elsewhere and the country will do something about it."
Asked why they wouldn't help now, the doctor told UP2 that every time he mentioned that he was a Buchanan so far, they have hung up.
"They'll be sorry when the Buchanans get thinned out. You ever seen that movie, "The Birds"? Well, how would you like for that many buzzards to attack?"
