Scientists now predict that a killer hemorrhoid will strike the United States and spread around the globe in less than a year.
"The hemorrhoid plague will first hit the street people in New York City it has now been determined", stated one Professor Tush of NYU Medical Center, since there is only one of him. "It will then spread from person to person despite our best efforts of spraying our toilet seats or using covers."
It is predicted that the people will then try to crap at random places so they won't even touch a toilet seat. But that will not work either, according to Professor Tush.
"You're bound to step in a big pile sooner or later because they will be everywhere."
The only information we have that has been released to the public is that the killer hemorrhoid will cause you to squirm and itch until you're weak and then you'll bleed from the ass until you die from loss of blood.
"We've known about this since two years ago", stated Tush. "But the new President decided not to cause a panic. That's why he won the Nobel Peace Award. But three cases have already crapped up in the Bronx and now it's only a matter of time."
Further unrest was caused by the Professor's pants being badly spotted in the back as he walked away.
