Written by Gail Farrelly

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

image for Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil Furious that Animal Rights Group wants to Outsource his Job
Punxsutawney Phil's replacement? No way!

"Replace me with a robot at Groundhog Day events? Don't be ridiculous!" Phil screamed today when he opened the newspaper and read the proposal by animal rights activists. "Who do those characters think they are? Efficiency experts who can push their agenda on the world?"

And Phil isn't the only groundhog upset at reading about the proposal. They are very sad that machines are becoming more important than living things. How, groundhogs wonder, are they supposed to make a living if they can't depend on Groundhog Day celebrations? People aren't that crazy about rodents; it's not as if humans want them to perform at a number of other events during the year. So what if groundhogs have to put up with crowds, publicity, and stupid-looking guys in Abe Lincoln-style top hats manhandling them once a year? Nobody's job is perfect. You do what you gotta do.

Most groundhogs polled said that they loved the events and were surprised last year when a frustrated groundhog nipped at New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg during a Groundhog Day event. As one groundhog pointed out, "That was a disgrace. You should never bite the hand that feeds you."

Punxsutawney Phil suggests that the group is just jealous.

"They run around near naked doing those commercials, and we keep nice and warm with two coats of fur," he's told friends, adding, "I have a better proposal for the those folks. Replace them with robots. See how they like it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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