Once a necessity in every household, recent studies have revealed that fewer than 1 in 25 homes today have a writing instrument and tablet available to write things down.
Gone are the the days of to-do lists, which have been replaced by the much more satisfying instant message. One participant in the survey commented, "My old man used to lose messages I wrote down, but now I get return receipts, so he can't get out of the chores so easy."
In part, this lack of paper is only a small portion of a global conspiracy that began nearly 30 years ago. Silicon chip manufacturers at the time envisioned a world where they controlled all information, and systematically proceeded to create multi-gazillion dollar corporations which now control the world's banks, airplanes, military power, and grocery lists.
"In the future," according to one janitor at a department store downtown, "We are going to just have this little antennae thing sticking out of our heads. We won't even need ears anymore, 'cuz it'll all be delivered in Dolby surround sound through tiny little speakers lodged in our brains. Are you going to finish that doughnut?"
Whatever the future may bring, one thing that is common today is the flurry of cellphone tapping that happens when an announcer proclaims, "Write this number down!"
