Written by Rebut

Saturday, 18 September 2004

image for Scott Peterson Jury Pen Pictures
Jurors 10 and 12 speaking to their families

In any jury trial the breakdown of the jury, as well as the make-up of the individuals, can be critical. In this jury the split is 6 men 6 women but who are these strangers appearing on your television every week?

Juror no.1 : White male, in his late 30s, who says he has learned much of what he knows through coaching baseball. Won't he be a million laughs during jury deliberations? : "Safe!! Bullshit he's dead!! Safe!!!! Haven't you got eyes Mr Foreman, this ones headed for Mr Needle!!!..."

Juror no.2 : White male around 50 who asked his Catholic Priest whether he could serve on a Capital Jury. The priest confirmed that there is "God's Law, Man's Law and of course Jude Law". The latter can only be used in cold mountainous areas.

Juror no.3 : White female in her 30s (39 my guess), 154 pounds (my gues), her bum looks fat in anything tight. Works in social services and her star sign is Aquarium which means she's kind of fishy.

Juror no.4 : White male 50s ex-policeman who ran up quite a record of his own during his youth. Now a quality assistence manager he likes picnics in the country, champagne and girls with tattoos. He's a Libran..wait!..sorry he was a Librarian in San Quenton (my writing's very bad)

Juror no.5 is a white male in his 30s who is both a doctor and a lawyer but works in a company developing heart medications. He's the one wearing the open-necked trousers and studying "So you want to be a civil engineer eh?"

Juror no.6 is a white male, Firefighter and a Paramedic who likes to ride his bike for 4 or 5 hours a day. Maybe the doctor and lawyer and the fireman and paramedic can get together for drinks afterwards...with the hooker and masseur.

Juror no.7 Asian female in her 50s who works for PG&E. Describes herself as a "crusader". All attempts by her to wear a cape in court have been rejected.

Juror no.8 is a white male, Teamster in his 40s and who works the graveyard shift. No prizes for guessing which way this genius will be voting.

Juror no.9 is the pick of the litter. White female late 30s she watched her boyfriend being tried and convicted for murder 20 odd years ago. She then married this winner while he was serving his sentence. He was later killed in prison. She would undoubtedly vote Dan Quayle if they could trace him in Latin America.

Juror no.10 is a daredevil. White female in her 40s and "truthful to a fault". She has kids and enjoys sewing. Apparently annoys her friends with her "unvarnished opinion". Apparently they tried to wipe her out by pouring varnish down her throat...which is a horrible death but a lovely finish.

Juror no.11 is a black female in her 40s. Close family member is a deputy sherriff. Once served on a civil jury. She'll soon realise that there's nothing civil about the lunatics on this jury.

Juror no. 12 is a white female late 30s (very late - early 60s) former social worker who now works for an adoption agency. Very keen golfer her only handicap is her hands. Very rugged - apparently rolls her own tampons.

Now tell me ; would you like to drop anchor and go fishing if you knew this lot were waiting for you?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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