It's a wonderful life!

Funny story written by Alexandria177

Sunday, 27 December 2009


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George ditched that dumb ass Clarence, and ran off with Violet

Pottersville, New York - A much relieved George Bailey is very glad that he made the wish he made, and has no intention of ever asking Clarence the angel to take it back.

George Bailey, formerly of Bedford Falls, was a long suffering man married to the woman he didn't love, with too many children, and presiding over a delapidated Savings and Loan that no one else would run.

While his dreams had been to travel the world, get an education, and contribute meaningfully in the real world outside of his one horse town, he had never been able to. This was principally due to his brother grabbing all the college money and leaving George high and dry. Then his father leaving such a crap business that no one else would run it. And having to provide for an alcoholic uncle, who would later "misplace" what in today's inflation factored dollars would be about $100,000.

And that's not all. His wife, who he reluctantly married when he started seeing his first few life's dreams thwarted, insisted on the purchase of a ramshackle slum house, which she proceeded to pour George's hard earned money into - depriving him of any hope of saving for a vacation. And also depriving him of investing in plastics, which made a friend of his a fortune.

And the endless kids...while no pill existed, hand jobs and oral sex were not entirely unknown, nor the charting of one's own rhythms. And don't even get George started on the time there was a run on his S&L and she - without consulting him - offered their honeymoon money to all the losers who were screwing him over with their lack of faith in him.

Life continued to suck for poor George, as he watched his brother and all his friends make it big, while he continued to be stuck in Bedford Falls, "wiping the noses of garlic eaters" as wise Mr. Potter once put it. Heck, George had passed up a lucrative position with the wealthiest bank in town, just to babysit the plethora of manual laborers who couldn't live without feeding off of him.

That's why when Clarence - to avert George's rational desire for suicide - gave him a "start over", it made George so happy. Being literally granted the wish of having never been born opened up a world of possibilities to him, as well as giving him some much needed catharsis.

Upon entering the town now called Potterville, after it's leading citizen, he noted that industry was far more vibrant, especially in the entertainment fields. Without his coddling of the lower classes, with their straight-laced morality, the town now had pool halls, dance halls, saloons and movies in abundance.

It also benefited by a more active police force, as opposed to the guy who "sat around on his brains all day" as Mr. Potter had put it before. George quickly discovered that his mom didn't know him - and that it turned out she could support herself after all, by running a boarding house. This was the same woman who had let George support her all those years.

And his ball and chain was actually working for a living, as opposed to lazing about with her legs open. As a librarian, she was doing far more good for herself and the town then she ever had for George.

It was also nice to see that the old fool who had boxed his bad ear when he was a kid had got his due. And that he no longer had a bad ear, for not having had to save his idiot brother.

And coolest of all, Violet was no longer just a flirt and a tease, but a bona-fide prostitute. This would afford a now single George the opportunity to do a lot more than dream of running through the hills barefooted with her, or accepting chaste kisses on the cheek after bailing her out again!

Yes, it was indeed a wonderful life that Clarence gave him, and not only did George Bailey not ask to go back - where in real life, no group of poor folk could have possibly afforded to give him $100,000 - he still isn't asking to go back.

No, George is staying in that alternate reality, and if any loser wants a loan, he can go and crawl to Mr. Potter - and not rely any more on George to do it for him. George won't even be there to do it for him.

For you see he's shook the dust of that crummy town off of his shoes, and he and Violet are in Europe - on an extended business vacation, with Mr. Potter paying for it all!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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