TJ McCorkle of Louisburg, North Carolina and a leader in the T-Bagger movement called a news conference today to declare that Santa Claus was a government agent and a Red Menace.
McCorkle stated, "We know what's happening. Our Mamas didn't raise no stupid kids. Claus and his red suit which is nothin more than the commie flag, is an agent of the Obama administration. Cousin Ezra heard at a meetin that they planned to place bugs in all our home when old Santa visits and they will know everything we do, and even put them in the barns. Ezra says he don't dare cook up a batch after the holidays. Gonna cook up a whole years worth right now. Talk about "do reindeer really know how to fly"----they should try Ezra's stuff! Anyway, Ezra heard that Claus is gonna bring little Obama dolls that have a recorded messages like, "I have two mommies, I have two daddies" shit like that. No way!! Not on our watch. We'll be waitin on Christmas Eve----he'll come down the chimney with a bound and that will be his last bound! No milk and cookies this time Comrade!! You know them little elves with their little pointed hats? Antenna! Gathering in the info! No sireee, not on our watch. This is war, Claus is a fraud, and we'll get our children our own damn toys, not some kind of gobmint handout!"
As McCorkle left the podium, reporters saw his small son grab him by the arm saying, "But daddy, I want Santa to come. Please don't shoot him. I love him." McCorkle replied, "Shut up Bubba. Go get your rifle and we'll go kill the Easter Bunny."
