GOP Health Plan to Offer Low-Cost Lobotomies

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Friday, 2 December 2005

image for GOP Health Plan to Offer Low-Cost Lobotomies
Support for Health Savings Accounts is a 'no-brainer'

Akron, Ohio---George Bush spoke at a rally today addressing his latest health care proposal. Young people will be given the opportunity to put some of their medicare payments into a Health Savings Account (HSA) which will accrue interest. Poor people, who sustain serious injuries, which require critical care......but who don't have enough money to pay for the $1000 deductible.....may opt to have a lobotomy, instead.

The plan is considered visionary, because it is expected to encourage poor people, who may be having trouble paying rent and buying groceries, to save money by cutting back on their healthcare.

A banner above the podium read "Support Health Savings Accounts. Its a no-brainer!"

In his speech, Bush reiterated the Republican party's commitment to preserve the popular Medicare program by destroying it. As wealthier contributors are enticed to drop out of the traditional medicare program, premiums for those who stay will increase 17%.

Addressing the cheering crowd, Bush said, the new program will benefit consumers by limiting how much they can get in redress for malpractice, thereby helping to bring third-world medical care to the United States by strengthening the financial positions of Health Minimization Organizations (HMO's).

Bush's plan is called the "Ownership Society", because it allows all Americans to get a "slice of the pie" from the medicare program, which was originally designed exclusively as a safety net to help the poor and indigent.

Bush's plan for Health Savings Accounts is becoming very popular amoung those who are in high income brackets, and think it will be a great way to augment their portfolios, even as it unravels the safety net for the destitute and indigent.

Polls show that the average American favors measures geared toward the rich and famous. The plan would be especially helpful to those in income bracket above $100,000 whereas the average household income in America in 2003 was $43,000.

It has been suggested that getting a lobotomy may help those people become better voters.

In his speech Bush stressed that Free-market economics must prevail, except in the case of the pharmaceutical industry which contributed huge amounts of money to his election campaign. In that case, protectionism which prevents Americans from buying low cost drugs from Canada is very good thing.

Inexpensive lobotomies will soon become available in neighborhood clinics around the country.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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