U.S. Treasury delays ban on Internet gambling in hopes of breaking even

Written by Philip Moon

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

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Washington, D.C. - The US Treasury delayed implementation of a ban on financial institutions from doing transactions with Internet gambling sites. Originally set up as a way to curb unregulated Internet gambling, the Treasury decided to extend gambling six months in order to break even on its own debts.

US Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner pushed for the rule after leading the Treasury into $135 billion in additional debt when he thought he was on a hot streak in Internet poker.

"I watched a marathon of World Series of Poker on ESPN and I thought, "Hey, how hard can this be? It's all probability and statics, and I rocked stats back in Dartmouth". Well, while I made money on some beginners, as I upped the ante I found myself going against more skilled players. Before I knew it the Treasury was out $135 billion," Geithner testified before the Senate Finance Committee.

Geithner said that a six months extension on the debt, plus time he's spent reading poker strategy guides online, will allow him to break even and get the Treasury back in black.

"I know I've let you down, and Christmas will be a little lean this year, but if I get a little more time I can win it all back. All I need is an extension of credit and the deed to the White House for collateral," Geithner said.

Republicans criticized Geithner's reckless decision making but were silenced when he accused them of wanting to pull out too soon.

"You wouldn't back out of Afghanistan just as we're starting to win, would you? Heck, I just won $100,000 from some Chinese in a game I've played on my iPhone during this hearing. Just give me six months, I'm begging you," Geithner said.

The Committee authorized the six month extension, but also passed an amendment by Chuck Grassley (R-IA) to have the Sergeant at Arms break Geithner's legs if he didn't cough up the money by that time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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