Satirists Avoid Kerry/Edwards in Favor of Bush Humor

Funny story written by Jack Van Gump

Thursday, 5 August 2004

image for Satirists Avoid Kerry/Edwards in Favor of Bush Humor
"Stop Me If You've Heard This One...."

Hoping for a "post-Convention Bounce", the Kerry/Edwards ticket has fallen flat on the humor front. "No one except amateurs are touching Kerry/Edwards right now," Jay Leno said in a pre-show interview. "But apparently that hasn't stopped them from touching each other," he quickly added the punchline, punctuated by sycophantic laugher from bandleader Kevin Eubanks and a sharp snare accent. But, seriously folks, satirists and comics in all venues have been avoiding Kerry/Edwards like a plague.

"Basically, they aren't funny enough. People laugh at funny, not boring," performer Chris Rock said in passing. "Now, if they had Al Sharpton on the we're talking humor heaven!" Even pundits like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly have steered clear of the democratic dream-team. "I've got ratings to think about. Sorry, when it comes to those two, I've got nothing," Rush Limbaugh replied when asked why he was ignoring them.

A quick search for 'Kerry' or 'Edwards on Google yields a bounty of boring sites dedicated to mundane political issues and posturing, but few if any humor related items. After a flash of Kerry related parodies just after the Convention, he has all but fallen off the radar in terms of joke material. Bush is clearly ahead, cleverly timing bike accidents and assorted malapropos musings to keep him in the comedy game. Bush's handlers clearly understand the dynamics of comedic dialog and work hard to keep Bush related satire prominent.

"If you don't have the top three television comedians and at least 30% of the on-line satire sites regularly lampooning you, you're losing the election," remarked Karl Rove. "We've calculated that every cleverly circulated parody on a high-volume site accounts for a half-point bounce in the polls. At this rate, Kerry and Edwards will be living under a bridge by November," Rove laughed maniacally.

And speaking of Trolls, even Dennis Miller has been stifled in his effort to glean serviceable material out of the Democratic dynamic duo. "I've had to revert to my emergency stash of Clinton jokes. The Kerry/Edwards gags are killing me out there." And the Democrats have of late grown nostalgic for the glory days when Clinton jokes ruled the roost. But as the Bush-Joke-Juggernaut continues to hit hard and fast in the weeks leading up to the election, it is increasingly apparent that there is just not a damned thing funny about Kerry/Edwards. But, Bush supporters can rejoice, because there's much more to come. And by the way...did you hear the one about Bush and the anti-depressants?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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