Written by Greg Boone

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

image for Man's Wife Slaps Him While He's Wearing Cell Phone Earpiece. He's Now Able To Make Phone Calls By Thought Alone!

Doctors were not only marveled at the recovery time of Mr. Winston Rallings of Jawson, Tennessee after a violent act of domestic abuse, but his ability to now use his cell phone at will after his wife's near fatal slap embedded Rallings' cell phone earpiece into his skull.

The emergency surgical team tried valiantly to save Rallings' life after he suffered a ghastly blow to the head by his enraged spouse after a night of drinking and carousing at a local bar. Rallings was reportedly having far too many beers at his local watering hole when his wife, 62 year old Wilhelmina Rallings barged into the bar and engaged the inebriated man in a heated argument. As things escalated it was reported that Mr. Rallings hurled obscenities at Mrs. Rallings whereby she hauled off and clouted him a sound on aside his noggin'. Evidently she didn't realize he was wearing his cell phone ear piece at the time and the force of the strike was of such power that the device became embedded in Mr. Rallings' skull.

Doctors and emergency personnel worked feverishly on the 65 year old machinist as they tried to stabilize his life signs and figure out a way to remove the state-of-the-art communications device from his head. After four hours of surgery, doctors let the device remain until they could better estimate a more safer route to extraction.

As the man lay recovering and his wife taken into custody, an astounding event occurred when barkeep Alvin Smith answered the ringing phone at his establishment.

"We were standing around, me and the boys, talking about Winston and wondering if he was going to be alright when the phone rang.", said Smith when asked by reporters.

"I picked up the phone and lo and behold it was Winston himself calling to see if he left his wallet and car keys at the bar!" Exclaimed Smith.

"At first I thought it was a joke but only Winston talks and cusses like that as he's from New Jersey originally and we always joshed him about his northern accent."

Smith continued by stating that Rallings sounded a bit slow and confused and when he asked Rallings where he was, he reportedly replied that he was indeed in the hospital and things were "Okay" but that he had a splitting headache and wondered if Smith or one of their friends would sneak him in a bottle of scotch.

"That's when I knew he was alright and went up to see him," said Smith. "Me and Roy waltzed in there and there was Winston all bandaged up with tubes and such in him and suddenly my own cell phone rang and it was Winston calling me on my own cell phone! I almost jumped out of my skin hadn't Roy and one of the nurses caught hold of me!"

Smith stated that whenever he spoke into his phone the weary Rallings would answer from his hospital bed.

Nurse on duty Anita Wong was also stunned.

"We couldn't believe what we were seeing and hearing! Not only was he (Rallings) talking to the men in the room but he called his daughters and work crews and they answered back," stated Wong.

Doctors went back to remove the device from Rallings' head and after another 5 hours were successful but the mystery didn't end there.

"The device was barely functioning when we removed it," stated chief medical surgeon Dr. Fente O'hara. "It was pretty much smashed and as we were examining it for lost pieces of plastic and debris that might have remained in the paitient's head, we wondered how he could have managed to operate it."

Calls to the cell phone company's carrier by cooperation of the Mull County's Sheriff's office did indeed show that at the times reported, Rallings' phone account was in operation and to the parties stated.

"He must have used some sort of mental telepathy or something," added Smith, "cause there's no way that phone should have worked as he left the phone base at the bar!"

Professor Lance Gallway of the local community college of Gallway said that incidents like these are " Part of the mystique of today's digital technologies. As modern science meets ages old domestic violence, there's no telling what phenomena may arise."

Law enforcement officials said that Mrs. Rallings was released on her own recognizance after advice from Judge Rallings the victim's brother.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Mobile Phones

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