Bloomberg To Ban Smoking, Sex In NYC Parks?

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Tuesday, 15 September 2009

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"No Sex, Smoking In The Parks!"

No puffing or poking in the the parks? No lighting up or lifting up on the lawn? No butts on the beach?

"We don't think it's too far to say that people shouldn't be smoking or having sex in parks," Health Commissioner Tom Farley said Monday.

Mayor Bloomberg unveiled the plan in the morning but later backed away in the face of criticism and having to dodge several thrown condoms, a sure sign of "displeasure" in New York City.

"We love to go to Central Park and hide and have sex", stated one married couple. "We went recently for our 15th anniversary, back to the same group of bushes, or "grope of bushes" as we call it. Of course, we had to await our turn", stated Mr.& Mrs. Joe Smith.

"It always adds to the excitement, to know there are other couples just fifteen to twenty feet away, waiting for their turn", stated Smith.

"And one time, Mom & Dad were out there in line", said Mrs Smith. "We gave them two thumbs up! I think they're hoping for their first grandson. We got two daughters, one of them, 'Bella DeOak' right over there under that oak."

Another couple expressed their displeasure about not getting to have any pleasure in the bushes.

"Bloomberg and that health commissioner also want to ban our smoking a cigarette right after sex. What a bunch of killjoys", was how Mr & Mrs. Al Smith described the situation. "Whoop's the smoke is clearing, our turn next. Come on George...Al!"

"Several couples then began yelling at the Smiths saying, "We may walk in on you any moment!"

"That's another part of the occasion", stated Jim & Jill Smith. "It really adds to the excitement. Wait, I'm going to go shake the bushes to give them an added thrill...the real bushes."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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