Written by Bureau

Thursday, 27 August 2009

image for Government Begins Funds For Farts Campaign!
"I Just Bagged A Rip-Snorter!

After the tremendous success of the "Cash For Clunkers" Program over the past month, representatives of Greenpeace and Spokesman Al Gore has requested that the government now follow up with an atmosphere clearing "Funds For Farts" Program.

"All a person has to do when he feels a big one coming on is to fart into a barf-type bag and turn them in at the end of the day at volunteer stations like your local fart...fire departments. They will release them into a perfume collector that will neutralize the smell and as it travels upwards, goes through a cleaning process similar to that of a city water plant," Gore told reporters Wednesday.

According to fart experts, the clearing of our atmosphere will benefit the whole world and they have asked that "gas stations" be planted all around the world.

"You'll notice the change in just a few weeks", stated Fartologist, Mariah Ballbouncer. "Plus you'll get some cash that will help spur the economy."

How much cash?

One estimate is that a good size fart bag full to exploding is worth a fiver, a fin for a fart.

Once again, Spokesman Al Gore was quoted as saying: "A mask will be supplied to anyone who doesn't want to be recognized. I assume that that will be the ladies as guys actually seem proud of polluting our air. I guess it's a macho thing, something I have never had trouble with."

The U.S. Congress is expected to vote on the tissue...issue just as soon as President Obama returns from his vacation, but do wish to warn the public not to be "saving them up" as they could injure themselves.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Economy, Farting

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