Milwaukee Mayor Just Says No to Malt Liquor Bull, Brewery

Thursday, 20 August 2009

image for Milwaukee Mayor Just Says No to Malt Liquor Bull, Brewery
Every time Muon cracks open a malt liquor, empty field fills with attractive heifers.

MILWAUKEE, WI - A tough-as-nails Wisconsin mayor turned down an offer by a Milwaukee brewery to appear in a series of malt liquor spots with a giant bull from California, according to sources, but he got to meet the beast anyway.

Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett described to reporters Wednesday how he was savagely attacked with a pipe when he tried to help a screaming woman outside the state fair in an attack that "got very, very ugly, very, very quickly."

Afterward, he was approached by a representative of the Milwaukee's Beast brewing company. Impressed by Barrett's tough guy image, the brewery wanted to feature the mayor in a series of spots with their new six-year-old, 1900-pound black Brahma bull.

Due to circumstances surrounding the attack, Barrett respectfully declined the offer, but was amused by the antics of "Muon," acquired at a stockyard auction from Max Planckmann of H Bar Rodeo Company near Berkeley, California.

"He's pretty perceptive. Whenever they start filming, he can tell the cameras are rolling from the people on the set," said Mayor Barrett. "That's when he turns on the charm. He gets a real kick out of crashing through balsa wood and sugar glass sets, and they've actually trained him only to drink Milwaukee malt liquor! If you try to give him some other brand, he'll toss you through the wall!"

He said sometimes when Muon has too much to drink, he forgets he doesn't have his genitals anymore, so there are always three or four heifers on standby should the California Brahma get a little over-excited.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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