With Americans ballooning to bigger and bigger sizes, a group of skinny winos in New York City have come up with the perfect diet where you can eat all you want and still stay thin.
"The key is cheap wine", states Wino Five, one of five winos which are believed to be the same ones to register a patent on their diet six months ago, while being helped by a community awareness group.
"You eat everything that's your hearts desire and then you go get some WallyMart Wine and drink about a bottle. Before long you'll be spouting fountains of waste from both ends. Really cleans you out...but not up."
"Look at me, I oncet wade 300 pounds and now I'm doon to 76", stated Wino #3.
"Actually, we're not sure these are the same guys we had in here six months ago", stated Jerome Pusser, community worker. "But we're 90% sure that Wino #1 is OK and the other four will have their fingers printed so we'll know who gets the cash for people going on this diet. We figure they'll really change personnel once they get some money so we'll have to double check everyone by that time."
"Come to think of it, there were only 4 of them to start with. I guess they skipped a number."
When asked, Wino #5 stated that by skipping numbers it makes it seem like there's more of us. I mean, you get five in there and we're all seeing at least ten and the whole room is full of us. Can't take that. That's why we live free under the wild dumpster skies."
