NATCHEZ, Mississippi - The Grand Wizard Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan Coy "BubbaBoy" Helfenberger says that his organization is facing financial ruin unless 'Uncle Sam' steps in and gives them a stimulus package bailout.
Helfenberger told a reporter for The Natchez Morning Moaner that the auto industry, the airline industry, and the banking industry have all gotten financial governmental aid, so why can't a hate industry like the KKK.
Grand Wizard Dragon Helfenberger said "We the wonderful dues-paying members of the KKK are as American as apple pie, Disneyland, McDonald's, and Oprah Winfrey...ah makes that Ellen DeGeneres."
Helfenberger added that in just the past year alone, the prices of hoods and robes have nearly tripled. He blames it on the fact that the manufacturing of the hoods and robes is now being outsourced to Cambodia.
He also added that the cost of crosses has gone up so high that his organization cannot afford to buy American-made crosses and they are having to purchase them from a cross-making dealer in Kenya, Africa, which he says is ironic as hell.
Maggie Helfenberger, (Coy's wife) is a KKK Grand Sorceress. She remarks that the good old days of the KKK being a group of intimidation are long gone.
She said that no one is afraid of the KKK anymore and so as a result the national KKK membership has gone from 7,149 in 2001 down to 942 in 2009.
She added that KKK kids nowadays want nothing to do with the Ku Klux Klan. she says that they are too busy with their video games, cell phones, iPods, and non-KKK girlfriends.
Mrs. Helfenberger said that when President Obama was elected, 3,901 KKK members immediately dropped out.
They said that they are just wasting their time because nobody even pays any attention to them anymore. Even the Ku Klux Klan website www.k%&#k!@&k&#%.com has been shut down due to lack of interest.
SIDENOTE: Assistant Grand Wizard Dragon Billy Bobby Bob Buckles has just stated that the Ku Klux Klan is closing down their Kenyan chapter effective immediately. Buckles remarked that the Kenyan people are extremely prejudiced, bigoted, and racist.